Chikara 18054
by Resop
Summary: Chikara high school, a totally 80's high school full of colorful characters who just happen to resemble (sort of) Chikara Wrestling personalities. Can school nerd Branden survive a cast of nerds, jocks, cheerleaders, band dudes, and insane teachers?
1. Chapter 1

_(This is a fan fic based on the "public images" of various Chikara Wrestlers and is no way, shape or form trying to imply anything about the personal lives of the real people behind the public images.)_

**Chikara 18045 Episode 1**

Branden Ruttheimer puts his books in his high school locker.

"Good morning, Branden."

Branden Ruttheimer winces. _Oh boy, Veronica Ticklefeather, here with my daily dose of bullying._ "Good morning, Veronica."

"So, were you peeping in my window last night, as usual?"

"I do _not_ do things like that."

"Too bad. You missed me in by black negligee with silver embroidery."

"You mean gold ... oops." _Busted!_

"I figured a nerd like you couldn't resist."

"Boy, you would figure that the daughter of an established Philadelphia family like the Ticklefeather's would be able to afford window shades."

"Oh, I have window shades, I just didn't think that my next door neighbor would be _dumb_ enough to peep on my private moments."

"Looked more like a performance last night than a private moment."

"Maybe it was. But, in any event, you get your daily prize. Oh, Mark? Branden wants to say hello to you."

Mark Angelosetti gets in Branden's face. "What's up, _nerd_?"

"You're daily having fun with me?"

"Good answer." Mark puts Branden in a head lock and starts giving him nuggies.

"Mark, Mark, Mark. Are you bullying the other students again?"

Mark immediately releases Branden. "Dasher, you got it wrong, we were just having fun." Mark painfully pinches Branden's cheek. "See?"

Branden grabs Mark's cheek and pinches as well. "Yeah, just having fun."

"Well, okay then." Dasher walks off.

As soon as Dasher is out of visual range, Mark grabs Branden by the shirt. "Why did you grab my cheek, _nerd_? You think you can handle me or something?"

"Oh yeah, the school nerd is going to beat up the school star football player. That sounds right, huh?"

Mark looks confused.

"Let go of me. If I hadn't pinched your cheek then your distant relative would have seen right through your subterfuge."

"Oh yeah? I should beat you up just on principle now."

"Um, excuse me?"

The angered Mark and the frightened Branden look to the side and down to see Serena Taylor, one of the school's girl misfits.

"I just want to say that the two of you together like that is so, so, HOT!"

Branden and Mark look at each other with disgust on their faces.

Mark lets go of Branden.

"See you in class Mark."

"See you in class _nerd_."

Mark walks off with Veronica who also has a disgusted look on her face.

Branden gives Serena a withering look. "You know, there are worse things in life then getting beaten up."

"Like what?"

"Like getting hijacked into one of your _slash_ stories."

"I will have you know that my pen name, Saturyne, is one of the most respected names on .fanfiction.90120. You're just jealous that your stories don't have as much respect on usenet."

"Plenty of people respect my stories. I get email all the time saying how realistic they are, unlike _yours_."

"What's so unrealistic?"

"I don't know, maybe having the main characters of a series change their sexual preference for no reason?"

"That's a funny thing to say for some who writes Brenda slash Kelly stories."

"That's totally different."

"How is that different?"

"It's obvious why it's different!"

"Then explain it to me."

"Never mind! I'm going to class."

"Well, Andrea is busy so I will join you."

"Great."

Branden and Serena turn a corner and walk in on a fight in progress. Three boys surround a fourth boy who has conspicuously long hair.

"What sort of a sissy boy wears his hair like this?"

"I'll bet he's a girly boy."

Two of the boys shove the long haired boy down.

Suddenly, from behind, a large muscular boy appears. "Jakob. What's wrong with you. Fight back!"

"Tim, please forgive me. I didn't want to hurt them this early in the morning."

"Don't give me that lame excuse. Get up and fight back."

Jakob gets to his feet but gets pushed down repeatedly by the three boys.

Finally, Tim grabs one of the boys and picks him up and slams him on the floor. When one of the remaining boys turns around Tim pie faces him and throws him some six feet.

The bullies run away in terror.

"Mein hero!"

Tim grabs the smaller Jakob and pins him against a row of lockers, Jakob's legs dangling in the air. "Hammermeier, do I have to remind you what coach Goldman has said about losing fights in the halls?"

"Please don't tell the coach!"

"Um, excuse me?"

Tim and Jakob look to the side and down.

"Besides you two being unspeakably hot together, what did the coach say?"

Tim smirks and lets go of Jakob. "Hot? How can you think of such trivial things as looks when there is such injustice in this world?"

"Injustice?"

Jakob jumps in front of Tim. "Yes, injustice. Last year the world's greatest wrestler, Tim Donst, was robbed of the Pennsylvania state one eighty five title by a referee who was obviously paid off. I have vowed not to cut my hair until Tim avenges this great wrong."

"But, I never asked you to do that."

"Tim, Tim. It was the least I could do."

"Anyway, to answer your question, coach Goldman thinks that people who can't win fights in the halls shouldn't be on the wrestling team. Which makes me very disappointed that Jakob had trouble with a mere three bullies."

Jacob grovels at Tim's feet. "I will work harder not to disappoint you."

Tim jerks away. "Let's go to class. Your promises don't mean much anyway."

Jakob follows. "Tim!"

Serena sighs. "That is so going in one of my stories."

Branden makes a face. "Gross."

Branden and Serena make it to homeroom class.

Mr. Quackenbush calls the class to order. "Class, I have some disturbing news to share with you all. This weekend the office of Principal Mantis was broken into and an object of great value was stolen. If you hear your name on the intercom, please report to the Principal's office for questioning."

**To Be Continued.**


	2. Chapter 2

_(This is a fan fic based on the "public images" of various Chikara Wrestlers and is no way, shape or form trying to imply anything about the personal lives of the real people behind the public images.)_

**Chikara 18045 Episode 2**

"Andrea Morgendorffer, you may enter my office."

Andrea adjusts her large glasses. "I would hope so, you did call for me on the intercom." Andrea walks into the office and is blinded by spotlights. She can just barely see the dark outline of Principal Mantis who sits in a darkened corner of the room.

"Andrea Morgendorffer, do you _know_ why you were called to this office?"

"No clue."

"The great and _devious_ Principal Mantis called you into this office because one of my personal belongings was taken from this office. Do you know which object it was?"

"I haven't been to your office before, and even if I had I wouldn't be able to see any of the other objects with this bright light shining on me."

Principal Mantis ponders a bit. "Okay, I detect no deception in what you say. You may go."

"Okay, just don't sacrifice me to the elder gods or something."

Principal Mantis chuckles. "A warranted fear, I assure you."

"How did it go?"

Andrea manages a weak smile for her friend Serena. "I would say that our school is being run by an insane devil worshiper, but that would be mean to the insane devil worshipers of the world."

"No kidding. They say that no one has ever seen Principal Mantis' face, and he uses bright lights to blind anyone who comes close."

"You would have to be pretty twisted to want to steal something from that guy."

Serena nods. "Oh, by the way, I have a new batch of pictures from my brother's band practice."

"Chuck?" Andrea's voice cracks a little.

"Check them out."

Andrea looks through the pictures. "How come you don't have any pictures of the individual band members?"

Serena has a blank look. "I don't know. But, look how hot my brother and Johnny are together."

"Okay, now you're making me uncomfortable. Most girls don't refer to their brothers with the word hot."

"But, he's trying to be a rock star, so that's the effect he's trying to achieve."

"Still ..."

"Anyway, they have practice today. If you want to you can come over and check them out."

"Sure!"

"Timothy Donst, you may enter my office."

Tim swaggers into the principal's office with a non-caring expression on his face. "What's up?"

"Young man, you should not address your elders in such a disrespectful manor. Now were you the one who stole the object from my office?"

Tim smirks. "No, it was not me. However, I _do_ hear things."

"Things?"

"Yeah, like the object that was stolen is called the Eye of Tyre. Like the object is a magical device that increases the ability of the person who holds it in combat."

Principal Mantis thinks about this for a second. "You seem to know a lot, Timothy. However, doesn't this make _you_ the prime suspect? After all, with the Eye of Tyre you would not have any trouble winning the state wrestling title this year."

Tim loses his temper. "Now wait just a second. I was robbed last year. I know that I can beat that scrub Eddie Kingston. It's just that his high school bribed the referee."

"I would have to agree with you there. Those west side rich snobs would stoop to any level of corruption to win."

"Tell me about it. What high school recruits wrestlers from other high schools and then pays off his parents so that they can afford to send the kid to the school? It's just not right."

"Well then, I can see that your morality would not allow you to steal this object. You may go."

"Wow, Serena, your house is huge."

"Yeah. It's kind of lonely though. The parents are away on various tours. It's just me an Chuck here."

"So where does the band practice?"

"They're in the garage. Follow me."

Andrea notices that the door to the garage has a sign that says "Gentlemen's Club". "Weird sign."

"And, here they are."

Andrea freezes dead in her tracks.

Chuck Taylor, who is working on an effects box, looks up at her. "Oh, hi. You must be sis' friend. Welcome to the Gentlemen's Club."

"Uh, uh, uh, hi."

"The band name is The Kentucky Gentlemen, but we're thinking of changing the name. That's why this garage is called the Gentlemen's club."

Andrea is to stunned to speak.

"What's your name?"

"Andrea."

"Cool. These are my band mates. The short guy over there is my lead guitarist Johnny Gargano."

Johnny Gargano shakes his head. "No, no. That's not how you introduce me. Do it correctly."

Chuck rolls his eyes. "Okay. Over there is my lead guitarist. He is the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas, and the whole shebang, he is Johnny Gargano."

Gargano strikes a pose.

"On bass, over there we have freshly squeezed Orange Cassidy."

Cassidy barely raises his head. "Charmed."

"And, they guy on drums who insists on practicing in his ridiculous gimmick is called the swamp thing."

The swamp thing raises a drumstick in acknowledgment.

"We're getting ready to practice if you want to hang out and watch a bunch of guys endless argue over which chord sounds better, the dominate seventh or the suspended fourth."

Cassidy raises his head. "Seventh chords are for posers."

"Sorry, I have to do homework." Andrea runs out of the garage.

Serena catches up to her. "Too bad you have to go, their music is pretty good. Or, maybe it stinks but I'm used to it?"

Andrea tries to regain her composure. "Maybe some other time."

Serena hears the phone ring. "Hello."

"Serena, this is Branden. You have to get on line now on the Easton BBS. You would not _believe_ what is going on!"

To Be Continued.


End file.
